Life and death of our neighborhood bar

I cant believe i forgot to chronical this....

When i first moved in, i had to park my car alittle ways east where hipsters dont trod. When walkign to the car and back, i kept passing a bar called nuez, that was one block east of us. It looked hipsterrific like every other place around here, jst a little small. There were always about 5 hispanis people in it (our neighborhood was mexican before gentrification, but then again jewish before that). Basically, me being me thought it was a drug front.

So then i had this "date" with the guy from the great woods parkign lot. which was obviously absurd cause, you know, i met him in a parking lot and all. So it was absurd enough to warrent a really dirty vodka martini beforehand (and 17 during). So i went to the bar and wound up tellign the lonely/needy bartender the entire story. Her name was stephanie and i liked her. She was spunky and had the strangest mullet type haircut and was, by virture of being from florida, a little off.

She told me that the bar had just opened (as in when we moved in) and was tryingt o find its groove.* So she mentions ahta thteyde be open for peope to spin, and since plant bar no longer functioned and boom salon was hungry, i suggested Josh. Cause, you know, I have this habit of helping people i dont much like**

So they start the infamous every other monday at nuez. Which was fnu, but never properly promoted. Then josh got ariella involved, although she never seemed to spin. And hten monday night football started and josh would never let me hav ethe tv on. And then i found 10cent wings at croxleys. I would go to Nuez for the first half of the game and then over to croxley's. And then all hell broke loose.

Theres this guy i know that i guess i have been dating for about 6 years now. And i mean dating in the laxest sense of the word. But i mean, we've never lived in the same city, and now we do, around the corner from each other. lets call him mike, since everyone is named mike. So anyways, mike starts comign to the monday nights, and gets fairly obsessed with stephanie the bartender. He keeps getting durnk and asking me to have a threesome. I say no.

So one week we are there and he is leaving for alittle while and asking me where ill be in an hour. after getting me to promise ill be reachable, he turns around and says "dont get attached" and i remember why i never seriously wanted to date him. *** Then i sit at the bar exasperated and staphanie buys me a drink. she says "where did your friend mike go? he just asked me out and then left before i answered...." My forehead went straight to the bar at that point.

the party continued to rage and apparently they started letting us take over some rules. Later that evening there are about 9 people at my house at 1am (because this was the period where we thought we were in college/crack den). Mike comes back, and tries to get us to go back to the bar where no one currently rages. He leaves at 2, we're sure to go find stephanie.

Hte next day out of curiosity and duty, i go back over to pay stepahnie for the drink she had bought me. Shes not there. hmmm. they say "she doesnt work on tuesdays." Ok that may be true, but i should point out shes never not been there before. And she wasnt there the day before. We're convinced that mike killed her via sex...or something.**** Later on in that week, Ariella gets a call from her with suggestions for the monday night party that "sounds like she was crazy or on ludes or something"

So heres the thing *SHES NEVER THERE AGAIN*. Seriously. The next monday (the party is every other monday) we have a party, which i think will be the last. Theres another bartender. Apparently the bar has spies or somethign or the owners peeps who harras josh and ariella after i leave. I dont really know what happens cause i was trashed and having my own little adventure.

So yesterday is yet another monday. Mike is still obsessed with the bar. Im still at croxleys even though they suck. He calls and asks why Nuez is dead. Ii tell him the party is every other week. He says, no, its closed. Huh. We go by, and its closed, which in NYC is symbolically sealed shut with a metal gate and huge padlocks.

Good riddance because things were getting incestuous.


*(it shall be noted that basically all the heards turned the corner at stanton and clinton and this bar was one block east at stanton and *attorney*.
**see my efforts to get chris lacey laid
***maddeningly inconsistant
****only partially true since he actually called me at 10am the following morning