10.12.2004

somethign so funny about law shcool it makes the general audience

Instructions for Practice Problem #1

Identify and discuss ALL of the potential intentional torts in the following scenario and any possible defenses to these torts. When identifying the potential intentional torts, make certain that all of the elements of the intentional tort are met and specify any elements of a possible tort that are missing. You may also want to cite to any relevant cases from your reading. Please ignore any negligence torts. Your complete answer should not exceed five, double-spaced pages. This may seem tough, so focus on concisely identifying the torts, their elements and applicable defenses. This simulates the type of constraints you will have on the exam.

If you would like the TAs to comment on your response to the problem, please e-mail your response to the TAs listed for your review session before the session begins.

Your response to the practice problem will in NO WAY reflect upon your grade in this course. It is simply a way to help make certain that you understand the course material. It is also a very good way to familiarize yourself with the way in which you will ultimately be tested during the final exam.

Thanks. See you next week.

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One late October afternoon (campaign season, mind you), a 1L, Adrian Monk, skips his Contracts class to go down and volunteer at the local campaign headquarters. Adrian is a big fan of the Kelly / Edmonds campaign and he wants to do his part. As he walks down West 3rd Street towards the East Village location, he passes some Stern Business School professors discussing the coming election. Adrian overhears the professors say that “those Kelly / Edmonds rascals want to drive corporate taxes through the roof!” Adrian, silly with rage, approaches the professors and says, “If I weren’t worried about getting arrested and not being admitted to the bar, I would kill you for spreading lies about the Kelly campaign!”

As Adrian stalks off, Professor Notaxem expresses his disdain by spitting on Adrian’s backpack. Adrian doesn’t notice the glob, but he does notice a group of schoolchildren (who see the glob) laughing and pointing at him as he walks by. Unknown to Adrian, however, he is being tailed by an out-of-control volunteer working for Kelly’s opponent, the Cush / Zaney campaign. The volunteer, Stottlemeyer, figures Adrian is due for a lesson. Stottlemeyer pulls out his leather-bound copy of Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead and throws it with all his might at Adrian’s head. Adrian sees the book coming and ducks, avoiding the book entirely.

Unfortunately, the heavy novel hits Sharona, a 2L who runs out of Shade Bar on the way to an interview with Jacoby & Meyers. The book breaks Sharona’s arm and makes her miss her interview. Sharona is rushed to the hospital.

Adrian keeps moving, a bit shaken by his near brush with the book. As Adrian heads east, he cuts through Tompkins Square Park. In the confines of the park Stottlemeyer, who has continued to follow Adrian, lunges at Adrian and successfully pries away from Adrian’s hands the glossy flyers advertising “Concerts for Kelly.” Stottlemeyer bolts away with the flyers in the opposite direction. Adrian chases Stottlemeyer and tackles him, retrieving his glossy flyers.

Adrian decides to retaliate against Stottlemeyer. He pretends to take a phone call in which he is supposedly told that Stottlemeyer’s candidate was hit by a car and pronounced dead, which he relates to the nearby Stottlemeyer. Stottlemeyer breaks down from the stress of this “news,” because he is, unbeknownst to Adrian, the candidate’s nephew. Stottlemeyer then lapses into a hallucination that Adrian is his fourth grade teacher who used to beat him with his shoe. Stottlemeyer flies into a rage and tries to strangle Adrian, but Adrian barely manages to pry loose and run away. In his haste to escape, Adrian pushes over a yoga instructor in the “downward dog” position who was in his way. Unbeknownst to Adrian, the instructor has a bizarre hemophilia-like disease. The instructor begins to bleed and goes into a coma and dies later that night, despite the yoga.

Adrian at this point is so disgusted with the rival campaign that he decides to sabotage their highly successful Internet fundraising efforts. Adrian hangs a cab over to the Cush / Zaney team’s posh fundraising HQ on the Upper East Side and finds no one guarding the front door, though there is a sign saying “Danger: No Trespassing.” Adrian then sneaks inside and sees a box of fine Havana cigars sitting on the table. Adrian—always one to indulge—picks up the box and triggers a spring gun intended to stop thieves. The gun, however, is aimed at the floor and thus only makes a small gash on Adrian’s pinky toe.

Hobbling now, Adrian enters the Cush campaign’s computer room and, with wizard-like efficiency, writes a small program that floods the Cush computer network with false Internet contributions, thus blocking many legitimate contributors from reaching Cush’s website.

Adrian leaves the HQ and strolls down Madison Avenue, happy with his petty revenge. While strolling, a Madison Avenue Co-op doorman spies Adrian and mistakes him for the notorious Newspaper Thief of Madison Avenue (who roughly shares Adrian’s height and build). Before Adrian knows what is happening, the doorman hustles Adrian into the lobby of the swank apartment building and pushes him into a large broom closet, closes the door and suddenly leaves. Although Adrian doesn’t know it, the door remains unlocked, but Adrian decides to throw his chair through the window and climb along the exterior drainage pipe to the street below.

Adrian then returns home, and compulsively washes his hands and clothes, swearing off politics forever.

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