Beautiful Confusion

2010-01-04T21:42:00.002-05:00

me: i own more clothes than any other person

notoriousfirst: dude i own a lot

its sickening

me: ok

me: i own more clothes than any other person

notoriousfirst: dude i own a lot

its sickening

me: ok. can we have a little support group chat. i own a LAWYER wardrobe and a TOUR wardrobe and then athletic gear and then a normal wardrobe. the bold ones are like entire other wardrobes normal people dont have

notoriousfirst: hustle work gear on tour

me: HAHAHAHHAA

notoriousfirst: "headie suit seperates"

1 for 50

tour kids would look so puzzled but kind of be interested I bet

me: oh my god some dick would be wearing one of my blazers to new years as a zoot suit

notoriousfirst: lol

2009-10-07T13:31:00.001-04:00

me: is it wrong to make my secretary scan my collection of apple day recipes and send them to my parents

Daphne: kind of, yes

why can't you scan your own

Daphne: of course, i can't get accuroute to work for me either

you can ask her to make you a pdf cover sheet

me: because i just moved offices and i dont know where anything is

and im like full time on 2 cases, trying to go to apple day, and both my office and apartment are in boxes

Daphne: no, your apartment is in couches

no otter

2009-04-12T22:17:00.001-04:00

2009-03-21T01:21:00.003-04:00

So its 1:20 am and im writing a merger white paper and raging the hampton phish shows. I didnt know it was possible to simultaneously think "How did my life go so wrong?" and "How did my life go so right?".

2009-03-06T10:23:00.003-05:00

from the nyt article on phish, speaking about coventry: “If there was ever a concert that represented a band smacking into a wall, that was it,” Phish’s drummer, Jon Fishman, said. “I think that was one of the great train wrecks in live concert history.”

In other weird phish reunion nostalgia:

I was going through my files for taxes and cleaning. I was shredding old credit card statements and found one:

Statement date 10/3/00

3 charges.

1. southwest tickets to sandiego for sam and I.
2. 2 Phish tickets
3. Howard Johnson airport hotel in las vegas.

2009-02-25T17:36:00.000-05:00

me: why is this city so prone to watermain breaks

i dont get it

Joshua: lots of BS getting flushed

2009-02-23T22:45:00.000-05:00

2009-02-12T13:29:00.001-05:00

Ive now convinced one of my coworkers to my pessimistic view. He just emailled me:

Let's go to South Africa and buy some gold. Just in case I need to relocate to mexico I can use it to buy a shack and live on. Also we are going to need fire arms.

2009-02-10T23:56:00.001-05:00

someone else thinks the new tropicana is a travesty

2009-02-09T16:25:00.001-05:00

most relevant paragraph ever -

The Springsteen ticket debacle came during a busy news week in the ticketing world: Live Nation experienced problems during its new ticketing system’s first major test — the anxiously anticipated Phish comeback tour. And earlier today the Wall Street Journal reported that a possible merger between Live Nation and Ticketmaster could become final as early as next week. Responding to that possibility, Springsteen told fans it would be “returning us to a near monopoly situation in music ticketing,” which he and his team oppose.

2009-02-05T23:16:00.000-05:00

2009-02-01T12:56:00.002-05:00

They were just interviewing Troy Polamalu about his hair and asked if hes a different person with his hair down and he said "Once i was in the grocery store and my rubber band broke and I saw this woman and her baby and I just tackled them and left the store in handcuffs."

2009-01-31T21:21:00.000-05:00

A model that i saw when i performed Greased Lightening at the Limelight when I was twelve. At least, I think this happened. I told Paul the story randomly and thanks to modern technology, drew it, took a photo, and then sent the photo to Serbia in the normal cadence of conversations.

2009-01-31T13:03:00.000-05:00

2009-01-27T14:11:00.000-05:00

TAMPA, Fla. -- Troy Polamalu, when asked to put into his own words the existential meaning of the "Pittsburgh Legacy," came up with this:

"It is to carry on that blue-collar tradition. It has never been a legacy of success, though we have had success. It is a legacy of mentality. I can never see another team having the same relationship with a city that the Steelers have with Pittsburgh."

paul wanted to know if i posted this

2009-01-23T14:30:00.000-05:00

Henchmen/Henchwoman Needed 6 Month Contract (GTA)

I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I'm willing to pay $350 up front and $350 after six months for you services as an arch enemy. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the Go train and occasionaly whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again". That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.

2009-01-20T20:22:00.001-05:00

So after inauguration i came home and half of my law school was watching the parade on the news channels and fighting over which msnbc/cnn people they love/hate. They were getting really angry at at various announcers for reasons I couldnt grasp and all i could say was "that sounds like me watching joe buck announce an NFC game." I guess that makes Troy Aikman Fox News...

2009-01-14T16:26:00.001-05:00

For work today I have to keep repeatedly writing about steel price increases due to the lifting of tariffs on imports. Except I keep typing "Steelers" instead of "steel". I am not at all joking. Thank god for find and replace.

this person should be my friend

2009-01-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

2009-01-13T22:05:00.000-05:00

2009-01-10T17:35:00.000-05:00

from daniel

2009-01-06T21:37:00.001-05:00

yeah its about the making of Fitzcarraldo- I still haven't seen it. Herzog is a maniac, and brilliant, and hilarious. And Kinski is Kinski. I have a copy of My Best Fiend my brother gave me- maybe I'll watch it tonight. The article that turned me on to the dynamic is actually a New Yorker review of the autiobiographical/delusional episode cum narrative Kinski Uncut that you can find here:

http://www.therestisnoise.com/2004/05/klaus_kinski.html

a selection:

Episodes recorded inKinski Uncut fall into four categories: 1) sexual encounters with hundreds of women, beautiful and ugly, young and old, in a grotesque pornographic idiom that excludes sensual pleasure; 2) Céline-esque voyages of degradation and misery, often involving vomit, excrement, and delirium; 3) excoriations of incompetent directors, producers, writers, actors, journalists, and generally, all individuals who are not Kinski; 4) bouts of self-righteousness mixed with intense self-loathing

daphne and color take 9million

2009-01-06T21:18:00.000-05:00

what color should i do my nails

Daphne: yellow

me: pink red or funky

haha i dont have yellow

dork

Daphne: pink

barbie pink?

or like ligt pink

9:04 PM me: nah like a good pink

its called "windy city pretty"

9:05 PM Daphne: that's so cute!

uh oh

does this have to do with the PB catalog

because i'm identifying wtih this PB season more than ever before

me: hahah

HAHAHHAHAHA

9:06 PM Daphne: 2009 is year of yellow

me: thats the best hting ive ever heard

todays blog aware

award

yello started last year at cb2 my dear

Daphne: you don't have awards

you have im blog posts

2008-12-23T00:14:00.002-05:00

Mike talking about growing up in Texas: "Here's football. It's great. You're not."

He also managed to convince me that the mystery quasi bondage figurine that came with rudolph was legitimately "carmine the christmas cat burglar. duh."

best thing i heard today.

2008-12-13T22:15:00.001-05:00

I am obsessed with the title "football night in america". Daphne just told me that there has been a state sponsored "Hockey Night in Canada" for 35 years on the CBC. Then we had an international hug.

2008-12-11T12:54:00.001-05:00

Daphne: i really hope you regain your sense of smell just for a day so you realize how crazy you seem

fitzcarraldo is the zeitgeist

2008-12-11T01:06:00.002-05:00

my dad told me about how he spend the entire day moving some pipe that had caused the house to floodin its malfunction

"it was great i was all in the mud wading around with my hands in the mud. i was like one of those people under the boat in fitzcarraldo!"
"thats so awesome, i wish my life was like that. was some crazy german was yelling at you while you were lying there dead? oh wait, that is my life!"
"it was so bad, you know how when youre down there it really smells? oh wait you dont. good bye"

in other days news, we have really really sentitive speakerphones. sometimes ill answer mine and the music wil be on in the background. john called today and i was listening to phish and it was crowd noise and he said "wtf? do you just play a soundtrack of people cheering for you while you work all day?!" i am very into this idea.

and lastly i told liz about how sometimes i get in this mood where i manically lov everyone and then i cant go to bed because im too happy about humanity. she offerred to make me a happy jar to put by my bed at night that i can put my happy in to go to sleep.

How to confuse holiday party photographers

2008-12-07T11:44:00.003-05:00

"ok, whos dating? who works together? who the hell are you?!"

too old to drink coffee and pull all nighters

2008-12-05T00:22:00.001-05:00

me: wow

i cant see straight

e: why not?

12:01 AM me: because things are moving?

"correlation does not imply causation, asshole!!!!!"

AHAHAH

since my away message was "less layoffs. more hugs."

2008-12-04T22:42:00.001-05:00

my home without me

2008-12-02T10:58:00.004-05:00

youre not cold if your team is winning

2008-11-30T21:39:00.003-05:00

We went to the giants game. it was very wet. i screamed alot of things about generally hating DC. we kept asking this kid to take our picture and after the 5th one i realized he has no index finger and felt terrible.

2008-11-18T10:46:00.002-05:00

Daphne:

10:29 PM http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/sku7295520/index.cfm?pkey=cnew%2Dbakeware

10:30 PM me: is it a messenger bag

10:31 PM Daphne: no

me: cynthia giggled and said "the bear is a lie"

10:32 PM Daphne: bah

the bear is a cake!

10:33 PM me: yes and therefore by the transitive property.....

please find me a messenger laptop bag

10:34 PM brown or purple

or an awesome blue

Daphne: no

you're making my bear cake ironic

me: I DIDNT

Daphne: and i don't like that

me: CYNTHIA DID

THATS WHAT SHE DOES

10:37 PM read the email i just sent you

10:39 PM Daphne: he's a cutie

though

seriously

TROY PALALALALA

he was great!

and all i saw were replays!

Polamalu is the zeitgeist: from dad.

2008-11-17T22:42:00.000-05:00

the phone rang right after the Pittsburgh game ended and we were just sitting down to eat so i let it ring....afterwards i thought that it was you and had i answered you would have said:
"Troy Palamalu" and hung up...

2008-11-10T17:58:00.000-05:00

me: i went to an avedon photography exhibit here on sat

it was called portraits of power

which is terrible like dc

and theres no art here

5:52 PM so of course the only exhibit was on politics

but because avedon is cool, his definition included, like, bob dylan

i found the pictures of anyone not a politian so much more engaging.

so i wonder is that my bias, or his, or truly a comment on character.

quintysim: they should have had pics of cocks

5:53 PM me: white cocks

quintysim: politician, politician, politician, random cock close up

me: ha

5:55 PM quintysim: that would be so EDGY

2008-11-07T14:28:00.000-05:00

i discovered a new thing

jewel tones

apparently now that my hair is red they work for me

Daphne: just discovered?

2:27 PM me: it didnt work with my blond hair

(really really didnt)

Daphne: blue and purple should be fine with blond

me: nope

never worked

Daphne: weird

me: yeah

Daphne: i'm glad the hair color change is breaking you out of your rotting-vegetation color palette

oh to be heather

2008-10-29T22:23:00.000-04:00

10:11 PM me: im still working

10:15 PM dimple727: me too

me: on what

10:16 PM dimple727: on what cozy pj's to wear to sleep

10:17 PM me: i hate you

Daphne: destruction at the hands of baby otters is poetic justice!

2008-08-28T10:31:00.001-04:00

joshua: right

but, you know, not everybody is perfect

me: you are;)

joshua: just us

hey I included you this time!

me:

awwww!

our relationship is growing!

joshua: haha

geeking out over the olympics

2008-08-15T15:38:00.002-04:00

Last night Julia, Bryant and I watched the olympics together (insert in appropriate shawn johnson comment here). We're all totally geeking out about it, and then i realized that we were all totally jocky but sorta obsessed with absurd sports. (badminton, college ice hockey, and NCAA championship waterpolo!) Yay olympics.

2008-08-04T15:48:00.001-04:00

In other news, the US qualified in all 5 Olympic badminton events for the first time ever this year.

2008-07-30T17:46:00.003-04:00

me: my day thus far:me: I AM A ROCK STAR
MY MEETING WAS SO AWESOME
me: seriously, this guy was like the top ranking antitrust official in the country at one point
and i was like your report is awesome and i want to vomit on you

14 minutes

4:39 PM serenity: vomiting as a sign of affection...can't wait till that sweeps the nation...

4:40 PM me: no as a sign of a hangover

4:44 PM serenity: oh I thought that perhaps that is how lawyers express the fact that they hold another one of their kind in high regard.

me: hahahaha

18 minut

Then brad's away message said he lost a twix. and that made me sad so i changed mine to "i would give brad a twix", at which i started getting many messages about how i made other people want a twix.

serenity: I want a twix jaimee

42 minutes

5:45 PM serenity: someone just walked up to me and gave me a kit kat bar. that never happens! not twix, but you may be capable of affecting the universe with your status message, jaimee.

me: HAHAHHAHAHA

5:46 PM bolt.serenity: I'm serious!

me: I BELIEVE YOU

bolt.serenity: so be careful. be very, very careful.

5:48 PM me: im letting someone auction off on a list serv my karmic retribution for yelling at him last night

The post:
A friend of mine just informed me that her day has been an onslaught of karmic retribution for a series of bad decisions from last night, and she has offered this retribution as a sentimental gift to me. However, I don't get any pleasure from the suffering of other people, so the gift of her karma spiral does nothing for me.

Therefore, I offer to you, PT, a re-gifting of this karmic retribution to enjoy. All you need to do is claim it, and enjoy knowing that someone is getting what she deserved. First come first served. Take it away!

emblematic

2008-07-28T16:51:00.003-04:00

On saturday we went to the drive in to see the batman. Since it was in maryland, I of course wanted to combine the experience with getting maryland crabs, which i really didnt know anything about. So i did research and called the best closest place. I asked them if i picked them up what would i need to eat them. They asked where I was going and I said the drive in. They laughed in my face.

So i got all prepared with a hammer and a tarp etc etc and had keara call and place the order while on our way. When we got to this hole in the wall they were awesome. I mentioned that we needed some paper and bibs if they had any and she laughed and

said "oh my! Today we had these people--"
"I am these people!".

So of course i promised to take pictures for them because they believed it was impossible, even though i told them about brooks bbq and oneonta drive in. When we got there you couldnt take pictures, so im currently of the mindset to draw and stick figure representation and put little crab stickers on it and send it to them.

2008-07-23T18:00:00.001-04:00

theres nothing wrong with golfing.......BY ITSELF. But golfing with republicans. Its like a gateway sport.

2008-07-23T17:52:00.000-04:00

2008-07-23T17:36:00.000-04:00

Stanti

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/vac/765178972.html

2008-07-23T17:30:00.004-04:00

"im gonna describe these things as Burberrys"
"ok but thats the name of a high fashion brand"
"ok well im coopting it for the purpose of this conversation"
"nice cooption"
"well i have to learn about that word"
"i just made it up for the purpose of this conversation"
"nice burberrying"

So mick is on fire. We took him to camp bisco, and he hates the biscuits. But now hes in the best mood every. And we figured it out, its because he hates the biscuits. And he loves hating. So it was just perfect.

"IT WAS NOT INDISCRIMINATE HATRED. IT WAS SELECTIVE"

talking heads meditation of the day

2008-07-15T17:00:00.001-04:00

Facts are simple and facts are straight
Facts are lazy and facts are late
Facts all come with points of view
Facts dont do what I want them to
Facts just twist the truth around
Facts are living turned inside out
Facts are getting the best of them
Facts are nothing on the face of things
Facts dont stain the furniture
Facts go out and slam the door
Facts are written all over your face
Facts continue to change their shape

barium is the watchword

2008-07-15T14:03:00.002-04:00

yesterday I had a CT scan and had to drink barium, which i think poisoned me. I cam home and went to sleep and proceded to have the oddest dream ever.

over 5 years ago i had some dream where i made up a fictional Providence. There was a different waterfront, a different pawtucket, and a weird alternate green near the mausoleum with Corinthian columns and sculptures that do not exist. I haven't thought about this dream ever again.

Yesterday while napping i had another weird dream, in which the corner of clinton and stanton got an a train stop named "elder cleary" and piada began to enact a scheme for world domination. At some point in this dream, I drew a map of providence for someone so they could find a restaurant. Weirdest thing ever was, i drew a map of the *fictional* providence I had dreamed about 5 years prior.

Weird.

2008-07-07T10:20:00.003-04:00

NICE CARDIGAN, DOUCHEBAG

Last year while watching the french open I got obsessed with one of those two women who have the same names outfit and bought the hoodie on the internet. It was great. Brown and pink and with thumbs. I love it. So this year watching wimbleton with my roomates, they got obsessed with darth federer's cardigan. She wanted to buy it for him and I said that he was evil but that she should look it up. Its like 450$. They should put it on their registry.

holy foss

2008-06-25T23:13:00.005-04:00

So i go to get camp bisco tickets. I type in www.campbisco.com like an idiot. and it brings me to a page with this picture.
This is crazy underwater campground that we stayed in in our last night of iceland. SO FREAKING WEIRD. they have nice tents.

Daphne: that's pretty incredible

wow

FOSS

FOSS THAT

11:12 PM me: that is seriously the weirdest thing ever

Daphne: i'm perturbed

me: at the foss

Daphne: at the meeting of foss and bisco

11:14 PM JP: that's messed up

11:15 PM me: hahaha

YOU HAVE TO GO

11:19 PM Daphne: i'll get sick and die

11:20 PM me: its outdoors

and not far from my parents

and has camping

and ski dog

so when i ordered my tickets, i had to check the agree to terms box

and then there was another box that said "tickets are managed my upperhand ticketing. i allow them to charge my card and i will try very hard to remember that the charge was for camp bisco"

who knew over paying for tickets was such a giving experience.

antitrust humor.

2008-06-25T17:24:00.003-04:00

"j, will you be our local counsel california"

"sure. um. what is it. antitrust? price fixing? 'your honor, there allegations are unbelievable? price fixing?! all our prices are different! on all our products! you think they are fixed? in fact, we increase them!'"

"counsellor, are you retarded?"

"that has never been confirmed"

*******************

I personally think this is the funniest thing ive heard in days, though when K once said that some guy was not her boyfriend "per se" i responded by asking if he was her boyfriend rule of reason. Do with that what you will.

2008-06-20T12:56:00.001-04:00

my status message quotes my subletter saying "if i had to pick one person in my life who would stab me, it would be jaimee" - how perceptive after one month i say

Daphne says - well he obviously does not know JP

Then Paul changed his status message to say the same as me:

Paul: there's no one else i'd rather be stabbed by...

me: awwwww

theres no one else id rather stabby

our friendship is so beautiful im gonna cry

Paul: no, see, that's not exactly the response i'm looking for...

12:45 PM me: i know

Paul: the stab

i.d RATHER you had other people you wanted to stab more

me: i know

but i like all my conversations with you to be about you

12:48 PM oh my god i hope aaron is working this weekend

i would totally stab him

Paul:

YOU SHOULD TOTALLY STAB AARON!!!!!

me:

I KNOW!!!!!!!!

ok i have to go

12:52 PM Paul: good need to go ahway

F*CKSOME BITCHES UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPURTING CRIMSON INSIDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:53 PM me: i think i love you

12:55 PM Paul: we always stab the ones we love

2008-06-18T17:21:00.001-04:00

Daphne: i love how there's no lag time between what you feel and your away message

me: thats how i roll

Daphne: 5:07 seems to have been when the tide turned

the most positive email Ive gotten since I started working

2008-06-16T17:15:00.001-04:00

1) Yes, and yes.

2) Substitute new, yes.

3) Yes, please.

retirement

2008-05-07T22:46:00.005-04:00

I passed the bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now, as ive been waiting to say for many months with a clear conscience, i can proclaimed that i raged the bar exam period with more style than anyone ever thought possible. I will never be challenged. I made new friends, owned a coffee shop, and got a wii via the persian mafia. I somehow managed to get my hipster neighborhood to allow endless phish and flagrant health code violations. I rocked 600$ dinners, and the giants won the superbowl! I was hugged on the steet by strangers.

It all seems so weird that its over, and that it all actually happened. Looking back I truly appreciate how amazing everyone and everythign around me was during the entire experience.

Firstly to cocoa bar, for the many reasons already detailed here. Especially to paul, for almost getting me preemptively disbarred on the side of a pennsylvania highway in an m night shamalan-esque adventure, making sweet love to my GPS, and then going bowling on 50cent draft night in pittsburgh.

To all my friends i bothered relentlessly, and i am fairly tenacious. Especially those who took the bar before me, for whom i did nothing, and even to matt, who was like my bar exam kryptonite.

to mike for saying - "you cant eat a scanner", ordering at strip house, and developing a love for whores that paralells spitzers.

to liz for talkign about her small tattoo for four hours and then coming back with a quarter of her body covered with a dragon, for loving piada and hating cocoa, for getting into an actual screaming fight about moving the blocks in zelda and then banning paul from playing.

to tess, yancy, jp and amy, who did not even blink when i requested they schedule time for me to cling to them from 2-4 pm on sunday.

to "acceptable in the 80's"

to matt, for making me cry every 15 minutes and then looking up girls on myspace in bikinis for three hours.

to kathy for actually never ever doing something crazy, but looking so cute in sephora makeup.

To bill and reesa, for the two foot tall red pepper grinder and isabel for climing on polaris

to polaris, for doing the dishes.

To my parents, who stayed away for 6 weeks, and then let me say "the bar is going to be mean to me" in a mr. bill voice for two hours. To my dad for crying on my voicemail when i didnt answer the phone, and my mom for joining the club and breaking a glass at cocoa.

to alita who introduced me to mac photo booth, walked in bitter cold to dumplings, and didnt blink when i watched the giants games lying on the floor clutching a pillow.

To my bar review class. To Mr. slappy for actually being in a porno. To jacqueline for trading a persian mafia wii for future assasination obligations. To that guy in front of me for his head being humorously large.

To my nemesis for his persistant social awkwardness, the fluffy head, the guy who did heroin in the bathroom for two steely dan albums, and the ex warhol star who actually thought my life was more interesting.

To the lady who had a panic attack during the bar and was taking out of the javit center like she was on acid at nye 97, for not being me.

And to the NY Giants. Believe!

this is totally real, from the CMU homepage

2008-04-30T17:30:00.000-04:00

Interdisciplinary Collaboration

Whether he's working from his start-up company's digs in Lake Tahoe or the loft in San Francisco, it's just another day in the office for young entrepreneur Marc *** (HS '01). **** and his colleagues are the founders of Sponge**, a firm specializing in calendar technology established in 2005...

2008-04-30T17:01:00.001-04:00

quintysim: now im trying to get internet on boat

new annoying project

2008-03-18T00:57:00.002-04:00

1. Mike and I spent our entire dinner at Blue Ribbon hypothesizing a sequel to "no exit" featuring abel Ferrare, Christian Bale's Batman, and Hampton from the Ag's. I littlerally laughed so hard I wasnt breathing. "You should read..more"

2. Since today turned out to be weird "get in touch with people you lost 4 days before you leave NYC day" i spoke to Dan Honan and he was talking about how theres now 8 plumtv stations he runs, but one of them is young and problematic and keeps filming concerts. He said he saw on their sheet that they filmed a disco biscuits concert and he said " I already lost a friend in college to the disco biscuits, Im not going to lose a TV station!"

so cute, little rhody

2008-03-04T19:10:00.000-05:00

• Republican John McCain and Democrat Barack Obama will win the Vermont primary, CNN projects
• Hillary Clinton hopes to stop Obama in delegate-rich Texas, Ohio
• Heavy turnout reported; Rhode Island also voting

2008-03-04T00:41:00.002-05:00

dear jaimee,

please go. please just pack up your shit and leave. do you need me to help you pack? here, you stand on the street and i'll throw your stupid shit down to you. there's a bus leaving from chinatown at 1am tonight that will take straight to DC and out of my fucking life.

there is too much phish on my ipod. get a fucking life.

-p

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would like to point out that a) this was all sarcasm and i was sitting right there and b) the last line made me pee my pants laughing. I sorta have this things for total non sequiter insults. Last year, after the Sayreville debacle, Yancy wrote me this email that was five pages of hateful vitriole. Which didnt really matter except the last line was something like "and by the way, i think JJ Cale is a terrible piece of crap." Brilliant!

For another example, i always wish that people would make better fun of my anosmia. The best thing anyones ever said to me was Tivon at brown, right before holiday break. We were all hanging out, and he was hugging everyone goodbye and he went to hug me saying "merry christ--oh wait you can smell." And stopped hugging me and walked out of the room to christmas break. Most brilliant ever.

yancy wins again

2008-03-03T15:22:00.000-05:00

me: matt and i were playing mario

and he was like "what the fuck this is what youre doing to relax after the bar exam? i feel like im gonna have a heart attack!"

Yancy: if Dexter has a heart attack playing Mario Galaxy at Theresa's apartment on Alejandra's Wii system, he can:
A) sue Nintendo of America for not placing adequate warning labels on the game
B) sue Alejandra for providing the system without taking into account Dexter's faggy heart
C) sue Theresa for not providing less stressful alternatives like Parcheesi, Monopoly or porn.
D) fail the bar

wiiiiiiiiiii!

2008-03-01T12:38:00.004-05:00

" so do you have any big plans today, or are you just going to play the wii. Or are those big plans?"

raging the bar exam

2008-02-26T21:09:00.003-05:00

and now im ready

2008-02-26T21:04:00.002-05:00

nemesis!
superhappyyummypinkshirt

from chrissy, on her cruise

2008-02-25T09:59:00.002-05:00

"industry. good luck on the bar."

college redux

2008-02-24T17:16:00.001-05:00

Adam robusto once observed that i am so crazy and frenetic that I am totally capable of losing other peoples shit. Which led to entire drives though the midwest on tour where he would randomly scream "stop losing my shit!"

Apparently this concept is alive and well as the only 3 people i have been interacting with in NY are steadily losing their shit.

i should get tips

2008-02-24T01:11:00.004-05:00

the jfk jr of cats

2008-02-23T01:35:00.001-05:00

mike cleverly observed that polaris has now survived living with two bar exam takers

completing the set

2008-02-22T23:08:00.005-05:00

woo hoo its 2.22! what a great day. sigh. five years ago. Five years ago instead of studying for the bar i was getting a standing ovation in the columbus greyhound station during a blizzard. Sigh. although, i guess it could be worse, five years ago tomorrow i was calling my dad and asking him to pick me up at the meadowlands after getting drugged.

"remember when i was in high school and you said if i ever needed a ride i should call?"
"yes, but i didnt think you'de be in New Jersey"

live blogging my phone call with daphne

2008-02-22T22:55:00.003-05:00

"Hi whiny"
jp in the background "is that whiny jaimee"

me" i feel like im just getting further away from my goal"
daphne" from being on phish tour all the time...yes"

daphne" are you like live blogging?! what the hell is wrong with you? wait, youre like blogging this right now arent you"

2008-02-22T19:42:00.004-05:00

Womby.

"Can I have a class of wine? Oh wait, you dont work here? Seriously, you are this bar. Can you honestly tell me where you end and this bar begins?! Other customers no you better than the people who work here. They recognize you on the street. You are here more than any employee. You are here more than all employees combined. You are here for more hours than this place is open. Youre entire live schedule is predicated on our hours of operation"

2008-02-22T15:51:00.002-05:00

Me: im gonna write a blog post abut all the awesome things youve said this week. You are totally todays winner.

Yancy: asparagus pillows!

-----------
Me: what do you think of snarf?
Yancy: he sucks like luxembourg sucks. adorably
oh he's awful
you saw the vid i sent, right. that said it all. snarf
the snarf youtube
you didn't watch it? weak

me: let me see
send it
i think i did watch this
yancy: hahaha your mind is fried

observations

2008-02-21T16:21:00.004-05:00

1. ive really done nothing for the past two months other than listen to music. 18 hours aday. and im constantly around people who obsess over music. this may in fact be the anti-law school.

2. im totally going to be one of those people who leaves and incredibly specific will. Like "i leave all my teal clothing to daphne and everything brown to theresa" and "i leave the akg pair of headphones to paul" and "i leave everything nonsensical and violent to jp"

3. Roomate and I have been, even before the bar, been having a way between the two coffee/scone purveyors located on clinton street (although i get sandwiches there and she gets hot cocoa here). Shes somewhat intertwined over there, but not to the same degree (but someone was goign to bring her back things from their trip to japan). So we decided we're each gonna get respective tee shirts and then inflate them sumo style, wrestle infron of the gnome clinton street mural, and then post it on you tube as "the clash of clinton street"

4. speaking of you tube, i think this may be the universally apealling video ever.
Afterwards i just had to go smoke a cigarette to combat my overwhelming desire to jack something, grand theft auto style.

5.

Subject: Re: Your FERC career melted down

oh my god i could not parse that sentence!

- Hide quoted text -

On Thu, Feb 21, 2008 at 4:27 PM, JP wrote:

Btw, I think FERC is jacking your shit. This whole market-manipulation stuff sounds like it kind of cuts into the amount of Antitrust that FTC would bother with in Energy.

2008-02-21T11:41:00.010-05:00

The owner! Weee! This only leaves nemesis. That's gonna be interesting.

This is how i screwed up the other night. I tried to help the night guy and collect the candles, but he really wasnt caring because its his last night. We were just listening to 80's music. We were theorizing fun things we could do to screw the morning people, and just never cleaned the candles and then the wax hardened, which unfortunately only screwed the following night person.

Then i spent all day being high. I dontk now why, it was like a big acid trip yesterday. I could only listen to robert palmer for some reason, and kept getting every practice thing i did right. So of course i called my support group to check my progress against the masses. Everyone said that didnt happen to them and htey were freaking out at this point, which of course made me freak out in an of itself. Then i started feeling weird and sick and crazy and didnt know what to do with myself. Then the night person come in, found the candles completely messed up, and had to spend 30 minutes with their hands in scalding hot water fixing them. And that was the first thing that made me laugh the entire day.

So to get back at me/ tease me, he decided to just mention the date to me, which wound up with me and my eggshell skull hiding in fetal position under a chair. Not really that normal. Then the moon went away, and the night ended with us listening to david bromberg and then roomie and i have a silly dance only party to the talking heads little creatures and watching buffy. (Daphne says: You're like one of those crazy New York people. Who scare the tourists!!)

I have so truly convinced myself this is the room of requirement that the day after the bar exam im gonna come for coffee and its not going to be here. There will be the store to the left and the store to the right and that will be it. I will ask people where it went and they will look at me like i am strange. And then i will be committed.

2008-02-20T15:47:00.003-05:00

1. the place is like the room of requirement

2. somehow i suddenly find robert palmer sexy (chuck: "Haha didn't like every chick during the 80s already decide that?")

3. From my brother:

Roger:

at the risk of sounding slightly like the pats' parade-planners...

any big plans in the works for post-bar celebration?

Me: Really i have no clue, i can even imagine doing anythign other than sitting in this seat at and studying. I guess i should drink but i dont know if i should even go in a public place. honestly, i really cant imagine that it would ever be over.

Roger: good...i like your focus. very antonio pierce.

serenely accepting your fate

2008-02-19T21:27:00.005-05:00

Today's scene.

Tonight is Ned's last night here. We love Ned so in support and memorium I said id wear an arm band. Aaron objected because that was morose and we settled on an orange arm band. Tonight is also one of those nights that the jazz band plays, and I had to explain that i was taking the bar and needed headphones on to listen to Sneakin Sally by Robert Palmer on repeat. No one is really here because of the three day weekend, so we basically all ordered in Thai food and the band was just chatting with us. I decided to master some contracts and commercial paper concepts by writing a promissory note, which became a contract, to promise to pay Ned 30$ in the future for all his kindness and coffee and chocolate. I think Im gonna cover his share of the Thai food just so I can do a contract modification and subtract the amount from the future payment.

Polaris! Do the Dishes!

2008-02-19T01:42:00.003-05:00

note the crazy eye

worst customer ever

2008-02-18T23:17:00.001-05:00

i just made my own tea from home at the coffee shop. i suck.

it is fabulous though that this place is sorta a yuppie date spot and simultaneously a geeky study haven.

my elbows hurt from leaning on the counter while studying. i wonder if elbow pads are allowed into the bar.

I HAVE A BAR EXAM INJURY.

2008-02-18T18:49:00.004-05:00

Matt brought me sleeping pills and told me dirty jokes!

This guy goes to law school too. We call him fluffyhead. Though it was raining so full fluffy was not in effect.

2008-02-17T18:54:00.001-05:00

anonymous : "I went to many many strip clubs last night after that hooker incident"

2008-02-17T17:59:00.001-05:00

i think liz should get a deku tattoo

Yancy came and let me cling to him for an hour!

2008-02-17T17:51:00.005-05:00

cant sleep, bar will eat me

2008-02-17T16:52:00.008-05:00

Elfy hat.

look im so cute

2008-02-17T16:34:00.005-05:00

I havent had a mental breakdown yet today. I was almost there for like 5 minutes and tried to sleep on my books. And I jew-guilted yancy into visiting so i could whiny crying cling to him. So in short, AWESOME.

"You may want to die now, but week from now you're gonna look back on this moment fondly"

since alita started my obsession witht he mac photo booth

2008-02-16T19:01:00.002-05:00

Today i am sad, and tired for the first time in a while. And i think i hate the constitution. And i am really becoming JP. And i really dont have anythign interesting to say.

nighttime studying

2008-02-15T19:39:00.003-05:00

2008-02-15T14:51:00.004-05:00

ive made thomas be on call for my crazyness. In all his new agey wisdom he said that i need to stay in the moment and be comfortable with my fear "welcome it in, make it feel at home, offer it some tea!" "Apologize for the mess in my apartment?"

Jp is also convinced that we're melding into one crazy person, because we just listen to the faint and scream nonsensically at each other. I literally cant go 45 seconds into an ordinary conversation without screaming that im going nuts.

AM I REALLY SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT HONEYBEES ARE DOMESTIC ANIMALS!

2008-02-12T23:46:00.000-05:00

best parody of my immigration class ever

hush face; dont look out your window, it might be cops

2008-02-12T02:21:00.000-05:00

2008-02-12T01:20:00.000-05:00

bad day round head

2008-02-10T18:48:00.001-05:00

Today, not so good. I was begging for hugs. Getting nothing done. Had to restort to having someone scream at me. Tess says that Im strange to deal with when im sad and stressed because i have a weird almost smile sorta plastered on my face that no one knows how to deal with. I currently feel like I am the human equivalent of the "love love slap" broken camera from biscuits tour. At least the fluffyhead guy from Fordham also cant get anything done today.

Sympathy Round Head.

2008-02-10T13:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday amy came to visit. Unintentionally, she had some time to kill. I told her she could come sit next to me while I had headphones on and knit and make fun of me with the coffee shop people. Then I tried to steal her hat.

Unfortunately, my 4 hours of bad mood perday was 4 hours last night and then four this morning. I dont think I smiled from the time I started watching Michael Clayton to my second cup of coffee this morning. BTW, good movie but bad idea, because i totally believe lawyers are like that.

photo project

2008-02-10T01:31:00.001-05:00

My fave feature (only feature i careabout) on my new cult o mac laptop is the camera, so ive started ducomenting the descent into madness.

At bar bri. i couldnt make it through the entire class that day.

Fort! They brought in all these boxes and I constructed an elaborate fantasy in which i would surround myself in a womb like box fort with a small opening for coffee.
Im so neurotic that after i finished biting off all my nails, i proceeded to attack every pen I had as if it were the enemy.

Link is looking over my shoulder and wanting me to do something. Liz is currently experiencing post traumatic stress that we actually beat Zelda.
my firm is so weird. Im amazed they actually remembered to send me somethign for the bar, but it included hot chocolate for two that for some mythical reason was shaped like an ice cream cone.
I now unabashedly wear my studio headphones in public.

I dont know if this is a sign that I should never leave, or I should run as fast as i can

2008-02-09T19:57:00.001-05:00

I have made my neighborhood bend to my will. Aside from my permanent residency at the coffee shop, I can walk into any store here and whatever I want is ready (cigarettes, breakfast) before I even get to the counter. I am the go to person for any neighborhood question. My landlord says "go giants" whenever he sees me. The guy who sells me cigarettes doesn't want me to move. I think the only line yet to cross is the day I go get a cup of coffee in my bathrobe. Im thinking that tomorrow may be the day.

muce staley

2008-02-07T23:45:00.000-05:00

so my brother got a border terrier and named him moose. I told him I was considering getting another moose. he said "youde have to name him moose deuce. no wait, moose staley!" "MUCE STALEY!"

While watching the Mac air commercial

2008-02-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

Mike- "Someday they're going to create a computer that is purely conceptual. A computer with no physical embodiment. It will cost $1999 and be called the "Mac Concept." You'll go into the apple store, you'll pay them $1999, and they'll say 'Do you feel it?!'"

best commercial ever

2008-02-06T01:58:00.001-05:00

i was so happy that they replayed the dunkin donuts commercial at the superbowl. Ive been singing its brilliance (and the jingle) all year and no one would validate me. Its so sincere and straightforwards. Lets hear it for truth in advertising!!

super f*cking tuesday

2008-02-06T01:50:00.000-05:00

For someone like me, its a little much to balance the major concerns of the bar exam, the election, and the giants victory parade in one day.*

*and a pigeon shitting on me! in times square! and hyrule!

**

Yancy: that's not so bad. there've been times in the past where the monster's teeth were just inches from your head and his dick was stirring your coffee. that thin line's a nice improvement

*** Daphne: he's obviously not appreciating that the monster is rushing at you with most impressive speed

2007-11-14T17:12:00.000-05:00

JP: doc review blows goats

baaaaha

me: THEN YOU HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON

BURN

JP: oooooooooooh

not that i couldn't see it coming

me: think i need to change my paper topic

cant find anything recent

JP: "Goats: an economic asset to mankind"

JP: "Goats: the key to development in S.E. Asia"

me: HAHHAH

the evolving role of the goat is ASEAN affairs

2007-10-08T12:35:00.001-04:00